feliz dia del nuevo...

So,
Yesterday Mommy Mom & I went to the movies.
We saw Big Fish...
It was so beautiful!
I love Tim Burton's style.
Plus looking @ Ewan McGregor is a plus.
Mom & I cried at the end.
We keep talking about the movie.
Mom told my Aunt Pat & Grandma to see it!
I took her to Costco to get a yummy yum
Chicken Bake after the movie...
Movie & Lunch!
Manda & Mom = dorky women

So,
I talked to Patrick yesterday.
I don't think I am in his thoughts
anymore... He is always in mine.
I don't think he wants to be friends.
I am confused. He confuses me.
I just wanna see him...
& Hang out with him...
& just love him...
I know that is imposable.
A girl can dream, can't she?

So,
I don't know why I start every topic with so!?
I spent a good part of the nite
sending text messages to Janette.
Janette is Patrick's friend &
works with my Mommy Mom
I talked about Patrick.
My favorite topic.
She thinks I am too young
to be tied down to one person.
I told her my perspective.
She told me that Patrick's a difficult
person to understand &
that Patrick's friend Scott
broke up with his girlfriend
around the same time as Patrick.
We found this strange.

So,
Today Mom & I took down the X-Mas
crap all around the house.
I attempted to clean my car.
That was a failed attempt.
I played some Coldplay in the car.
I cried when I heard The Scientist.
I looked in the vanity mirror
and saw true beauty in my pain
of life and my recent heartbreak.
I watched Son of the Beach
with Mom, Dad & Orion.
Orion & I drove to Adalberto's
and got burritos!
We took the back roads home & got semi-lost.
I watched some Rich Girls with mom
& then got $2 of Lottery tickets.
Lottery = $71 million!!!

[Announcement!!!]
If I win the Lottery,
I am gonna quit work...
Travel the world and
to go all the great
colleges in the world.
& buy a house and name the place
Cherrywood Manor

So,
Tonight... I, Amanda Ruth Ramirez,
will be a social girl.
I am not going to Moki's 80's party.
I am gonna go to Denny's to meet Miss Trisha.
But now, I am watching Johny Depp.
Boys with dark hair = love!

happy y2k + 4

bow chicka wow wow...

So,
Another day is here...
I woke up @ 7a!
I had a dream about falling power lines
and a picture of some girl Patrick was dating.
That's crrraaayyyzzzzy.
Oh yeah, The days are passing by so fast!
I wish they would pass even faster!
The sky is opening up and
the rain is coming down!

Manda + rain = driving thru puddles while smiling

So,
I have been working even harder.
I don't know why but I just am.
Strange, huh?
I have been putting more stock on the floor
and enjoying helping people.
And yes...
I keep talking to Courtland.
Everyday, a new line from
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
It is so fucking great!
Who wrote 'The Moon Rules' on my car?
When I left work,
I drew a heart on his car.
I am a dork!
I should give him my cell number...
We could watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force & Son of the Beach together!!!
*swoons*

I spent $50 of the $75 of Best Buy gift cards.

CD:
50 cent 'Get Rich or Die Trying'
[Makes me wish I could sing good enough to be a rapper!]
The Chemical Brothers 'The Singles 93 - 03'
[Makes me wanna drive faster... Great beats if you have a good stereo]
Coldplay 'A Rush of Blood to the Head'
[Makes me wanna cry... The most beautiful CD I have ever bought!]

DVD:
Gladiator staring Joaquin Phoenix & Russel Crow
[Makes me cry... Such a beautiful movie & it's an action film!]

Dad helped me fix my new DVD player in my room.
I owe him $40! It's alright tho.
Mommy Mom & I are gonna see Big Fish
the new Tim Burton film.
I adore Tim & Ewan McGregor.
I need to spend more time with my family.
Not my brothers, just Mom & Dad.

Randomness:
-Mom said my birth control pills were approved!
-Gloria from work just found out that we broke up.
-Wore my pimpin' suede jacket in the rain.
-Was complemented on my hair [by Gloria] & my great personality [once on Sunday and once on Monday]
-Was told by Pamm that I work better then the other boys @ work.
-Watching belly dancing on the news.
-Have been crocheting like a mad woman.
-Haven't really thought of him... well kinda.
-Adam keeps calling me!!!

I better go.
I need to clean my room,
clean Jelly Bean,
etc etc.

Sorry this is so long.
I just love to write.

cruel summer...

Oh Lordy-Lord...

So Christmas is gone.
Oh yes... Thank gawd!
Now I can finally find a parking space @ work!
3 more days of 2003!!!

Things I got:
[x]Aunt Trisha: super cute gloves and a body wash stuff!
[x]Aunt Rosemary & Uncle Jesse: $25...
[x]Mom & Dad: thing for my new apartment
when I move out... And a nice suede jacket!
[x]Grandma & Aunt Pat: Best Buy gift card
and she also gave one to Patrick but since we are
broken up, she said I can have it!!!
[Score on for the bad guys!!!]
[x]Dee Dee: Jamba Juice gift card.
[x]Mary: Starbucks gift card, Happy Bunny magnet, Sponge Bob Square Pants toys, Origami kit.
[x]Moki: a star necklace, book of Ty Pennington from Trading Spaces.
[x]Karie: candy!!!
[x]Marianne: more candy!!!
[x]Me: new DVD player

So,
good news...
I have lost some weight!
Not a lot but enough to
make me think I am purdyful!!!

I am finished feeling sorry for myself.
I am stronger then I know.
Music is my therapy.
I am feel better these days.
My sarcasm & sense of humor defeats my dreaded emotions!
Lately, I have been talking to Courtland too much!!!
We would be the ultimate dorky couple!
We recite lines from Aqua Teen Hunger Force
to each other constantly!
*swoons*
Be still my heart!

Dad & I had a talk on x-mas eve...
We talked about the break up thing.
He said that Patrick is way immature.
He talked about him & Mom and their relationship.
I started to cry...
My Dad is so great.
He said that if Patrick really did love me,
he would love all my imperfections & emotional baggage.
So, I don't think he loved me.

End of story.

Anyways,
Plans for 2004 are under way!
I have a few goals.

1)Mission House: save up enough money to by my house
2)Mission Major: finish up school to obtain Art Major
3)Mission Jelly Bean: pay off car


I gotta go to workie!
Maybe I will post more later.
I have a full day of spending money &
being a uber-dork!

end transmission...

He broke up with me...
I guess I am not good enough
for Patrick. *sigh*

I guess I am now an _xgirlfriend.

Goodbye to this journal filled of him...
Hello to all the things I really am.

broken...

& it hurts me.

I am thinking of leaving you...

You make no effort...
You make no time...

I don't know why we are together.
You break my heart more then anything.

Go back to Chico &
leave the memories of me behind.

happy birth-thanks-mas...

Thankful = Manda + ...

+ The yummy boys on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy
+ Having The Family Guy on DVD
+ my wonderful music
+ Jelly Bean (my black car)
+ heartbreak/pain
+ expensive new cell phone
+ all the eye candy @ school
+ Mommy Mom, Dad, Mateo & 'Ryan
+ The Deftones
+ having no friends
+ my brain & thoughts

gimpin' ain't easy!

I hurt my foot...
I can't walk!!!

I don't think I will go to school tomorrow!

i hate gimpin it...

I need you like I need a mother fucking asshole on my elbow... Right there... An asshole!

I am bored.

Currently:
- Crocheting a blanket
- Watching 'The Rules Of Attraction'
- Drinking coffee
- Bored...

So,
Come on over...
We can drink coffee!
"What do you need? A formal fucking invitation?"

alone for the weekend...

I am alone...

Mom, Dad & Orion went to Los Angeles to visit family.
I couldn't go.
Matt can't either.
We have work & school.

So I am alone this morning.
Talking to Christina on AOL.
She is helping me keep my sanity!
I need to finish writing her a letter.

I finished that lame English paper.
Patrick called the other night.
We got into an argument.
I almost hung up on him.
I don't like people to yell @ me.

My teacher wants a copy of
a poetry review I did this month.
She wants to send a copy to the poet.
She talked to me about my silly teenage
dream of being an English Major.
She told me that it's the most respected
major on any campus. I smiled!

My goals this weekend:
- Clean up my room
- Donate that yarn
- Clean Jelly Bean
- Visit galleries

love...

Dearest Patrick Star,

I love you so much...
<3<3<3<3
I hope you realize that!



Love always,
Manda Bear

hate...

i cant find a topic to write about
for my English class...


i just don't want to do it anymore...
i don't care if I fail!!!

art...

So...

On Friday,
I am thinking of
taking my Mommy Mom
to some Art Galleries.

I have to do it for my
wonderful Ceramics class.
We will be off to:

-Exploding Head Gallery
(My teacher has some
art on display there)
-Crocker Art Museum
(I am required to go here!)

Oh yea,
I am now officially on the pill!!!

sad...

Patrick is in the hospital...
I am so freaking out...
I wish I had someone to talk to.

*sigh*
I wrote something in his journal

Dearest Patrick...

By the time you read this, I will be gone.
Back to Sacto... Trying to make it one more week.
Every time, I wish I could live in your closet,
just so I could be close to you.
I truly hope that you are feeling better.
I hope that your hospital visit wasn't all that bad.
I am sorry that I started to cry tonight.
I just care so much for you.
I never want to see you in any sort of pain.
I wish I could take any pain away
so you would never have to feel bad again.
I love you so fucking much...
I think I would die if anything
bad were to happen to you...

I love you more then cats love catnip...


-your forever and always,
Amanda///

PS:
I cleaned up your apartment a bit...
I hope you don't mind.

I would die for Patrick///
[& I honestly would]

heart...

Thursday
makes my heart
go pitter patter...



This is all...

Useless random...

So I am here...

Working on nothing. Well, actually a paper that should have been done on Tuesday. I should also be working on my argumentative essay due next Tuesday. But I am gonna procrastinate like usual. I am actually doing some people watching. I like to see how people live life. I see things I wish I was or could be. Like the pretty girls, people with friends, some older lady walked past me wearing bell bottoms... I think that's kinda cute in a scary way.

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

I hate people who touch me to get past me. Why don't you squeeze your fat ass thru the chairs and DON'T touch me!!!

More later...
There is a Nazi!

jealous...

I am so
extremely jealous
of how squishy cute
Jessicka & Trevor are!

I wish I had a
boyfriend just
like
that.

*sigh*

tattoo...

http://japaneseculture.about.com/bl50kanji_hoshi.htm


my future tattoo...

what do you think?

i am back...

A list of
randomness
in the world
of Manda...


I:


-Realized that I don't really like Halloween as much as I once did.
-Need to get more sleep now.
-Still have not had my period. For all you that are counting, this makes 3 months and no crimson wave.
-Had a foreign exchange student in our house. He was from Japan.
-Found out that my Ceramics teacher also crochets.
-Went to an awesome poetry reading yesterday afternoon @ school. I ended up buying 3 books by him and had them signed. I mainly went for extra credit for English 300.
-Need to see a show. I might go on Friday night to see the Start hopefully with lj user incusnatch.
-My parents and brother are going to the Bay Area to see a Motorcycle show for the weekend. This means no one @ home!!!
-My birthday is coming up soon. I could actually careless!
-My Brother {Orion} turned 14 on Sunday... Dad turns 44 on Saturday.

Any who, This is all for now... There is a line to use this computer so I better high-tail it.

as yet...

Today is another lame one...
I don't want to be here...
I don't want to do anything

I fell asleep on the phone
with Patrick last night...
He hung up on me.
I freaked out.


I need to hang out with someone tomorrow...

update...

Random update:

-Brother got a job @ Sears.
-I am trying to fail English.
-I am mad @ everyone lately.
-Took a pregnancy test... Negative
-Want to move far away from
everything that I know and love.
-Got a call back from Discovery Channel Store



I don't think you care.

fuck you...

stop telling me that you love me...
i don't want to hear it
anymore.

i am tired of feeling
these things for you...
and giving you my whole world.



I HATE BEING IN LOVE
WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU

&now the end...

I think I just failed my Math Test...
I wish I would have studied///



This shit sucks/
Tomorrow
is another
lame adventure!

I'll keep you all posted!

&there was this guy who tried to get Manda's number in the library @ American River College...

So,
I skipped class today.
I needed to work on math.
[which, by the way
I never got to finish.]

So,
I am up in the library
just minding my business
when some guy comes over
and sits next to me.

He starts asking me some
basic questions:
"What's your name?"
"How old are you?"
I was polite & nice
& responded back:
"Amanda"
"I am almost 20"

He starts laughing
and I smile...
No flirting
Just being nice.
He then asked for
my phone number.

*egad!*
I tell him my excuse:
"My cell phone contract expired...
I won't have a number till Friday"

SO...
He gave me his!

And it is on
a little purple
piece of paper
buried under my books
hidden in my backpack.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

Maybe it was the blue beanie I was wearing?!


so yea.
strange but true///

I guess I'm attractive
to someone else.

no english...

So,

I decided to skip my English class today.
I couldn't find any good parking!
There is a ton of parking lots @ school.
I still couldn't find one.
I need to work more on my Math homework anyways.

Oh, I saw a person from my Past...
Shanell McQuirk!!!
*gag*

anyways, I am off like a prom dress.

This weekend is
looking better
by the minute.

world...

So much shit
to do tomorrow...

I am gonna get
my new
cell
phone
tomorrow!


[x]take Dad to doctors apt.
[x]go to my doctors apt.
[x]go back to school to glaze mailbox
[x]get cell phone
[x]see Patrick!


*whee*

annonymous...

this is
my life



i don't
fucking
care


if
y o u


like it
or not!

yeah...

remind me why i decided to go back to school???

no excuses...

I want a boyfriend
who will romance me...
and sweep me off
my black converse.



I want to
feel love.



I don't think
I am
getting
what I
want...


EDIT [8:42p]:
I am
sick
of your
excuses...

essay...

my lame ass English essay:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/mandax/1894.html



Fo' reals!
It's due on Tuesday...
This is all I got...
It needs to be at least 8 pages!

yes...


off to pick of Orion!

hate...

what I hate...


loud people
in the library
when I am trying
to study and work
on a major paper
that is due
on Tuesday!!

ghetto...

So much drama today!


There is some cool shit
going on in the library
courtyard thingy!
I should go find out.
Yeah!


I am thinking of ditching school
to see a show in November
@ Sac State!


yeah!

something like that...

I feel fat...

I wonder why!?!??!

*yeah*
So there...

I gotta do some math!
maybe some English too.

My cell phone is gonna be gone on Friday!
*whee*
No more text messages!

due...

Random things:


-My research paper is due next week!!!

-Still haven't gotten the crimson wave

-Feeling faint!